Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He did a backflip because drugs
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