You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
