Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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