Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
