One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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