You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
