The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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