And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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