return my video game
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
