The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
