You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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