Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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