i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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