If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
