she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
