you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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