You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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