dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
