I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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