Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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