2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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