I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
