Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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