brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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