my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
