how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize