no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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