I love black thongs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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