She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
