aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
