She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
