At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
