Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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