We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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