i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
