I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
