The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
