I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
