I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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