Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
