porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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