I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
