Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize