I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
