you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
