i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
