you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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