Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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