he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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