Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize