I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
