Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
