I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All the doctor said was why
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
