i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize