I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
