Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
