Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
