Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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