I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize