Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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