so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize