yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
