my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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