We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
