shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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